Monday, November 30, 2009

My First Love, My First Kiss

"I worked so hard for that first kiss
And a heart don't forget something like that

Like an old photograph
Time can make a feeling fade
But the memory of first love
Never fades away..."


I was 13 yrs. old when I first met him- the first man whom I fell in love with...

It was summer of 2000, I just graduated from Elementary and I was about to take the High School entrance exam in one of the biggest schools in our town. Nakaupo siya sa isang bench, mag-isa, sa ilalim ng puno ng Talisay. He wasn't that extraordinary, he's not as stunning as Edward Cullen or as hot as Jacob Black, he's just an average guy. And I'm sure that it wasn't love at first sight for I was still straight back then. [Sa paniwala ko..]

By God's grace, nakapasa naman ako. Natapos ang vacation break and then came the first day of my High School life and that's when I saw him again, we're in the same class. We became seatmates, my surname starts with a C and his with a D.

We became close, nothing special, like regular high school buddy. We were inseparable. Kung nasaan ang isa, kadugtong ang isa. We're practically the same, we go gaga over anything that has to do with computers; online/lan games, we're both good in Science, we're always in the same group during laboratory experiments, we both can't play basketball decently, we're both "bunso" in the family, he's childish and so am I, we even have the same taste when it comes to girls. Dumating pa nga yung time na pareho kami ng niligawan. Siya sinagot, ako na-busted. Haha! So that gives you the idea, mas gwapo at lamang siya sa akin. :)

But like any other guys may differences din kami, he loves math which I hate the most. I can draw but he can't even make a straight line. He's shy, I'm good at socializing. I am a party animal, he's a home buddy. I am artistically inclined, he is logic.

All through out High School we've literally spent our time together. Siya ang pinaka matalik kong kaibigan, siya ang best friend ko, he's my wingman and vice versa. Mahalaga siya sa akin 'di ko lang alam kung gaano kahalaga, basta ang alam ko higit pa sa kaibigan o kapatid ang turing ko sa kanya. I do not have any special feelings for him before, or that's what I thought until we finally made our way into college.

We went to the same University. Parehong Engineering course inenrol namin. We have our own set of friends when we're in school, we don't see each other kapag nasa school kami. Sa bahay na lang kami nagkikita. Nangupahan kami ng apartment. We do things together, from going to the market to cooking our food, we do our laundry alternately and the best part is we do sleep together in one bed. No sexual activity pero andoon yung unintentional cuddling sa kasarapan ng tulog. Para kaming nagbabahay-bahayan!

Sa panahong iyon, napakasaya ko pero 'di ko lang alam kung paano i-label yung feelings ko. I was in denial that I was falling in love with my bestfriend. Ayoko ding gumawa ng anumang hakbang that could ruin the moment. I was okay and contented with the situation hanggang sa ipakilala niya sa akin si Kenj, boardmate daw ng classmate niya. Half Japanese siya. I wasn't aware of the term gaydar during those time but I sense that something's going on between my bestfriend and Kenj.

Napapadalas ang sleepover niya sa boarding house ng classmate niya, kung umuwi man siya ng apartment gabi na, yung tipong matutulog na lang, madalas 'di na rin siya umuuwi ng province namin kapag weekend, 'di na siya sumasabay sa akin. I know he's hiding something from me. Nakatira nga kami sa isang bahay pero we don't talk anymore, we don't hang out anymore. He's not the same as before, he's being cold to me. During those times I made myself busy para 'di ko na lang siya maisip.

Pero one time umuwi siya ng maaga, I asked him what's with him these past few weeks, sabi niya, "Wala naman, by the way Jay, I'm planning to move out, lilipat kasi sina Kenj ng apartment, I'm going with him..."
I gave him my casual long "Ahhh..." to show my disinterest pero deep within nasasaktan na ako, he's leaving me, he's choosing Kenj over me. Long pause, I didn't show any sign that I was hurting.

He asked me, "Narinig mo ba ako, I'm moving out..."
"Oo narinig ko, kelan ka naman lilipat?"
"Sa makalawa na..."
"Can I go with you?"
I was hoping that he'll say yes but to my dismay it wasn't his option.
"Tanong ko muna kay Kenj ha?"
Nagpanting tenga ko upon hearing Kenj's name.
"Wait, what's with you and Kenj ba? Lagi na lang siya ang kasama mo!"
"Wala, Jay may problema ba?
"Shit! Tatanungin mo ako kung anong problema? Ikaw ang problema, simula ng makilala mo yang Kenj na 'yan nag-iba ka na. Sabihin mo nga sa akin, kayo ba? Tang-ina naman, syota mo ba yan? Iiwanan mo ko para sumama diyan? Ni 'di mo man ako yayain na sumama. Ahhh... Oo nga naman sagabal ako, maglilive in kayo...!"
I was crying while saying that, I didn't gave him the chance to explain, nagwalked out ako, umiral ang pagiging drama queen ko. I didn't go home that night, nagpalipas ako ng sama ng loob. Lalo lang sumama loob ko when he didn't look for me, he didn't even bother to text me.

Kinabukasan I went home, 'di ko na siya inabutan and I saw his things already packed. Again, I cried, I drowned in tears. I fell asleep. Gabi na ng maalimpungatan ako na may humimas sa mukha ko, it was him, my bestfriend.
"Jay, okay ka na ba?"
"I'm not..."
"Jay..."
He cupped my face with his both hands. Again he said my name.. "Jay..."
"Tell me everything, I'll listen.", yun na lang ang tanging nasabi ko...

He told me everything, I listened though it hurt. Mag two months na daw, 'di niya alam paano naging sila, pero it just happened, he fell in love with Kenj kasi mabait daw.

I asked him, "What if I tell you something... will it matter?"
"Wag mo na ituloy sasabihin mo Jay, I know what you'll say but I know you know how we both feel for each other, dama ko naman yun, alam kong dama mo din yun, pero I'm choosing our friendship, ayaw kong gumawa ng ikasisira ng pagkakaibigan natin, pipillin ko kung saan mas tatagal tayo..."

Di na ako sumagot instead I kissed him. He kissed me back.
That was my first kiss.

After 1 year and two months, my bestfriend & Kenj broke up.
Until now, my bestfriend & I are still friends. We are closer than ever.
But there's one thing that we don't talk about, we don't talked about the past anymore, he no longer entertain same sex relationship.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

nakakabaliw ka na man!hahaha!=) halos pareho tyo ng story ah!hahaha!=) hindi lang yta name ang pareho stin!haha!=)

-jp

RICO said...

hehehe..gudlak nlng sa lovelife mo hehehehe..slamat sa pagdalaw

Pipo said...

Awww. Ang nice ng love story mo (nyo). Glad that you two are still friends. And I think he made the right decision. See, you still have him (and each other).

On the side note: Bah. This is another confirmation that (love) life is bland. Haha.

JayPee said...

@JP
Are you my long lost twin brother? ;p
Thanks for dropping by.

@Rico
Honestly, I don't give a damn about my lovelife. I dunno but I'm happy being uncommitted.

@Pipo
I'm happy that we're still friends after all these years but I sometimes, I still wonder of the what ifs.

Haha! You got it right man, my love life and sex life is a big ZERO! ;p

AkiRa'5 cORneR said...

Hey I really find this a bittersweet love story......But your lucky that you still have him>>>>>as a friend..............This signifies that mush of our pain are self chosen.......... Take care always!

JayPee said...

@Akira
Thanks for following!

I'm lucky yet sometimes I'm hurting. Oh well, self inflicted pains. I know, I know, I should move on. :p

thecurioscat said...

syet bakit ganun, lagi masakit ang first love :(

Mangyan Adventurer said...

Masakit talaga ang FIRST LOVE (Nakakarelate lang ako)


Well, ako kasi hindi ko na matandaan ang first kiss ko... Buti ka pa!

JayPee said...

@CuriousCat
Okay lang 'yan. ;p

@Mangyan Adventurer
Ika nga nila; First Love is a little curiousity and a lot of foolishness. Or is it the other way around?

Bakit 'di mo na maalala? Ingkong na ba o sobrang dami na? ;p

Vladimir Buendia said...

I can see myself in your story. I want to cry. What a night.

colorblind said...

kaya siguro tinawag silang mga first kasi umpisa lang sila may posibleng mga susunod pa. aabangan ba namin ang chronicles hahaha?

salamat sa pagdalaw.

JayPee said...

@Vladimir
What a sexy name.. :p
Pls. do not cry.

@colorblind
Everything that comes our way either good or bad is part of a bigger plan.
Haha, we'll see. :)
Thanks din po sa pagdaan.

Aris said...

huwaw, nadala ako sa story ng first love mo! malungkot pero ang ganda ng pagkakakuwento. :)

Galen said...

Think of the bright side, at least you're still friends. :)

engel said...

ang sa akin ang importante is to keep the friendship. go from there.

JayPee said...

@Aris
Thanks po at nagandahan kayo. I'm trying to write less depressing. Yoko naman masyado kayong maapektuhan.:)

@Galen
The thing is, that fact is also the downside, we are "just" friends.

@Engel
Hhmm, that's his point, mas importante sa kanya friendship. Haha. Woot. Do I sound like I'm still hoping? lol

wanderingcommuter said...

well i am still a fan of "first love" stories. they are so fresh and natural... love it..

PILYO said...

ewik: i love him too, este i love it too.. nyahahahahah.

the geek said...

ahhh..firsts....

JayPee said...

@Wandering Commuter
Haha. Fresh & natural? Lahat ata nakakarelate kasi we all have our first love.

@Pilyo
Bagay name, such a pilyo! ;p

@Geek
Thanks!

fox said...

first time is always the best...

xallternative said...

First love... Sino nga ba. I really can't remember mine.

laena said...

I'm touched, kinilig naman ako :D
thanks for sharing, you just gave me the spark that i've been looking for in a long time :)

Mangyan Adventurer said...

Ang sarap naman ng pakiramdam... HAha!


Kakakilig!

JayPee said...

@fox
or the best are yet to come...?

@xalternative
Wooo.. Bitterness! or maybe you're too old to remember? JK. ;p

@laena
Glad that you liked my story. :)

@Mangyan Adventurer
Kinilig ka naman! ;p

Thank you all for the comments.
Thanks din sa new followers, wow.

laena said...

i don't a have a blogspot account, but i am your follower too *hands down

I visit practically everyday!
keep blogging dude :D
i await the next time you write again (haahaa! FAN?)

caloy said...

waw. :( parang..ewan ko..whew..pero nakakatuwa..first.

Rei Mikazuki said...

I'm not surprised why he chose friendship over love. Still, after all that happened, it's nice to know that you guys are still good friends. Happy ending, though medyo may pagka-TLoS.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung naka-smile or naka-frown na smiley ang lalagay ko. Hmm. :|

JayPee said...

@Laena
Nakakataba naman po ng puso. :)

@Caloy
Thanks for dropping by.

@Rei
Ano po yung TLoS? Sorry for being a dumbass.
Thanks po. You should give me a smile ^_^

Jack's Pad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Padsiefoot said...

Nang mabasa ko 'to, feeling ko gurang na ako at hindi na fresh, eh 2 pa lang naman nagiging relationship ko. Hahaha! Something's wrong with me!!! LOL

Mike said...

hay gusto kong sumigaw nung nabasa ko to. di ko alam kung bakit ganun na lang ang reaction ko dito. =(

POPOY said...

sarap ng feeling pag 1st time... good luck sa love life...just going to follow ur blog..

JayPee said...

@Kuya Shoti
Violent reaction ba yan or what? Haha. You can't deny your age anymore. You are my true ahia. ;p

@DocMike
Wee.. Mixed emotion? Doc, tell me about it. Nursing diagnosis. LOL

@Popoy
Masarap ba? Di yata eh. Thanks.
Imma follw your blog to if you have any.

Padsiefoot said...

Shobe, well medyo naaliw lang ako kasi kumbaga reminiscent ng mga noob days ko sa relationship (not that I am an expert already; hell, I'm not). While most people my age just wanna have fun and explore their capabilities in love, ako, gusto ko na mag-settle down at seryosohan na ang mga plano ko.

The gurang mentality. Hahaha!

JayPee said...

@Kuya Shoti
Ikaw talaga, you're still young naman just enjoy life. Ako din naman and I guess everybody seryosohan na ang hanap.

Good luck to all! :p

Padsiefoot said...

Haha. Well, shobe, I am enjoying my life ng todo. Pagdating lang talaga sa love life, seryoso ako. As in. Maybe if one time, we engage into a serious conversation, malalaman mo. ^_^

Nimrod said...

ang masasabi ko lang eh....
"bakit first kiss ko hindi ganyan?! hmpf." LOL. inggitera lang. :)

myke said...

hahaha. we had the same story.
but mas gusto ko maging friends lng kami than lovers kasi lahat nagagawa mo pag friends lng kau.

canonista said...

Awww... First love, first kiss... To last a lifetime. Treasure it. It will only hurt the first time, you heal soon and you will be happy remembering that memory.

(Now playing: Utada Hikaru's First Love)

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