Tuesday, December 15, 2009

When A Door Closes Another One Opens

I am never a fan of Jack and Rose and the sinking Titanic, of Romeo and Juliet dying, of Dr. Maggie Rice and Seth's unhappy and never after story. I hate sad endings. I don't like farewells, I'm not good at saying goodbye.

After my bestfriend was taken away from me by some half Japanese half a-hole, my world came crashing down, it was like the end of the world for me. The love of my life and my everything was stolen from me. I saw it coming but wasn't able to do anything. My confession of true love, I guess was too late. I felt miserable, I felt bad. I was angry but I know I can't hate him dahil hindi naman kami at 'di na rin siguro kailanman magiging kami but I just can't help it but be sorry for myself cause I know mahal niya din ako but we're just not meant to be. The pain was just unbearable. Ika nga nila at natanggap ko naman: "The best of friends may not be the best of lovers."

Pero aaminin ko, dumaan ako sa emo-ments. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to feel, all I know was that mag-isa na lang ako sa mga sandaling iyon and deeply hurting. There's so much I want to say to him but I know it wouldn't matter anymore. I spent the nights sobbing. The days weren't different- I can't smile back at the sun anymore, everday the clouds they're like damp & gloomy, the birds I hear them sing no more, the optimist within me died and the pessimist came alive. I was hopeless, directionless, derailed, I was a walking zombie. My heart was bleeding and there's no easy way to heal the wounds. All those times there was no one beside me, I can't talk about this shit to anyone, time was my only friend.

TIME PASSES, EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE.
Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise, It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and drugging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
[Bella, let me borrow the lines, that was from
New Moon. Ch. 4 Waking Up...
]

In time, I learned how to let go...
I distanced myself to him so it will be easy for both of us- he won't feel guilty for breaking my heart para na rin 'di kami maging aloof sa isa't-isa, another thing is para mabawasan ang sakit unti-unti. I am not a masochist to live with all those pains. I don't need to keep on hitting myself with a hammer..

Pain, I learned how to ride it out, it goes away on its own. Though there are no solutions, no easy answers, you just have to breath deep and wait for it to subside.

I made myself busy. I went out. I partied a lot. I was a rebel. And it was in one of those parties where I met Mark. Boyfriend siya ng classmate kong chinita, he's a varsity player, Taekwondo ang sports niya. Skinhead, mestizo, gwapo.

I noticed him among all the people that I was with because he was eyeing and gauging me. Para sa isang taong tulad ko na unti-unting namumulat sa bagong mundo I sensed something. Tingin ko he was up for something. Lalo kong napatunayan ang hinala ko kasi he followed me to the restroom to take a leak. I piddled wee-wee on the urinals but he went to the cubicle instead. Nahiya pa ata, empty naman yung urinal sa tabi ko. But it was him who broke the ice; naghuhugas ako ng kamay sa lababo, lumapit din siya para maghugas, he said,
"Okay 'yan shirt mo 'tol."
All of the things you could say, 'yun pa naisip mo. Too lame for a pick up line. ;p
I just said, "Thanks, Mark right?"
"Oo, Jay?"
Then we shook hands, natawa na lang kami kasi parehong basa kamay namin. Nung lumabas kami sa C.R., nakaakbay na siya. It was cool that he was the first to approach because a snob like me would never do that.

After the drinking session, he asked me if he could sleep over, malayo pa daw kasi bahay nila at nakauwi na rin naman ang girlfriend niya, I said yes, after all I'm too drunk to argue and my place is too lonely for me, I could afford someone to sleep with..

Kung ano sunod na nangyari yun ang dapat niyong abangan. :)

32 comments:

laena said...

ayii so this is what happened in between :D interesting, heeheehee XD

COLORBLIND said...

hahaha may bitinan ba? i hope mark is the 'other' door? at sana tuluyan mag-sara at makulong kayong dalawa hahaha wag laging nakabukas dahil pwedeng lumabas ulit at umalis hehe.

engel said...

blogger na blogger na talaga ha. nambibitin na. =D

JayPee said...

@laena
I was forced to write dahil sa last comment mo, it's like I'm a writer with a deadline. Napressure? lol

@Colorblind
We will see. Basta Mark is someone I will never forget. Haha. :)
Thanks for dropping by.

@Engel
Di naman sa nambibitin, 'di k lang kasi matapos tapos, I always get too emotional while writing. Kaya ayan, hanggang diyan na lang muna.

Pasensiya na rin po kung matagal kung masundan, I'm a busy man. JK. Hirap magsulat eh, it doesn't come out naturally. Haha.

tim said...

Whoah, story teller is the drama. It left people behind. And bounces back with a big bang.

laena said...

hahaha~ sorry, do I sound that demanding? haahaahaa~ i wait naman. i mean this is your blog, and its not some social obligation :D andito lang naman ako lagi- padaan daan sa mga sites, halos everyday, this is my TV after all. :D

JayPee said...

@Tim
Haha. It's not like that, I only write when I'm in the mood that's why.

@Laena
Woot. Wrong choice of word, I was motivated, there, that's the right term, nagkaroon ako ng urge to write knowing that what I write here is being read by some people. Thanks man. :)

laena said...

ahihihi~ happy to boost your will to write :D natutuwa kasi ako sa mga adventures mo XD keep up blogging dude- ;*

Rei Mikazuki said...

Xet. Cliffhanger moment. Kaasar. Hahahaha!

alimuom.atbp said...

nice one, JP. keep up!

cheers!

JayPee said...

@Laena.
Entertaining ba?
Thanks for the encouragement. :)

@Rei
Haha. Nakikiuso lang ako, New Moon & Glee,
Saka para balik balikan mo.. :p

@Alimuom.
Thanks po. :)

laena said...

Yepyep! :D i don't have much gay friends kasi. well meron, pero hindi kasi kami ganun ka-close, kaya sabik ako sa mga kwento and confessions XD. Dito ko bumabawi, online stories and the love of my life: yaoi manga XD kilig kasi :D

Somnolent Dyarista said...

Thanks for following my blog!

wanderingcommuter said...

shet ang sakit mo sa puson! argh! hahaha!

JayPee said...

@laena
Yaoi fan. Share ng link. :)

@Dyarista
Welcome?

@WanderingCommuter
Bakit naman po?

laena said...

*shakes your hand- SURE :D do you know aarin? XD visit www.aarinfantasy.com

Aarinfantasy team subbed junjou romantica season one and two- (which i so love <3) you can get the torrent link from their site and download, XD

for manga scanlators try googling the ff:
dangerous pleasure, attractive fascinate, forever more- or you could just simply look for them in aarinfantasy or google 'em! XD

i love extreme cracks, and a little bit of romance :D but not too much angst and drama :P hehe- they're okay though :D

hmm, what else- manga-ka: i like the master who started my fandom: maki murakami :D and there's, nishimura shuuko, yozakura sakyou, narazaki neneko, chitose piyoko- XD aack, there's so much more! XD

i so talk too much. :P sorry

if you want some- bara - muscles and well- smexxy stuff, you can see them in www.humplex.com (i love hum's keric <3)

speaking of humplex, you can view some arts made my thousands of users (like me LOL XD) in y! gallery
that's yaoi.y-gallery.net
you can also find me there:
yaoi.y-gallery.net/user/jillaenn

i just joined recently, so i only have 3 submissions there :P

here's the latest one XD: http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/files/preview/6/63/638303-20100109192759.jpg/jillaenn%20-%20zeke.jpg

anyway- too much chatter! forgive me XD

Manech said...

Your use of clouds reminded me of a metaphor from Neruda, that the clouds were white handkerchiefs of farewell.

And oh. Looking forward to the sequel. :)

red the mod said...

Galeng. Made me smile. And a subtle stirring.

JayPee said...

@laena
OMG! Haha. Binigay mo na ata lahat ng alam mo? Thanks! Ichecheck ko mga yan. Woot!

@Manech
You made me searched about Neruda.
Thanks for dropping by. :)

@Red
Thanks po, really do appreciate it.

Sorry po pala if 'di pa nasundan really been busy with my life. Got a new job, renovating the house and etc. Bear with me. :)

laena said...

heeheehee enjoy :D

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jaypeeboy said...

hello jp!

sana magsulat ka ulet.

can't wait to read your next entry :)

toffer said...

hi..
ganda ng mga posts mo..:)

Fickle Cattle said...

I don't like sad endings as well, but they can be beautiful.

http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/

jazz said...

Wheres jp na po? I think he should continue blogging.A lot of fans (haha, fans talaga aa) are waiting. anyways, more power! sana mabuhay itong blog na to. Somehow, I can relate. :)

Desperate Houseboy said...

Thanks sa pagpalo pareng jp (kumpare na agad). almost finish bakreading your blog na rin. :)

Dorado said...

wow..very nice article!!!!!!..super like it...writer ka din ba ng www.bioutloud.net? ..im sure sobrang pag uusapan ang mag story at articles mo pag nabasa nila itong mga gawa mo.... keep it up..

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